How to be a Positive Parent: Phrases to Implement Today
We already know the benefits of positive parenting. But as a mom myself, I understand that it can be difficult to implement when faced with daily parenting challenges. It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of tantrums and mood swings while feeling overwhelmed by all of your responsibilities. Learning how to be a positive parent can be overwhelming. To help you on your journey of becoming not just a more effective parent but also a more intentional one, here is a list of phrases you can implement today! Not only do these statements give your kids permission to express themselves openly and honestly – they also help nurture their emotions from within so they have what they need for success later in life.
Tips for Using the Phrases:
Adding these phrases into your daily life can be a great way learn how to be a positive parent, but it can seem overwhelming at first. Here are my best tips for using this list:
- Pick one phrase at a time and practice it until it feels natural.
- Start with the phrases that feel good to you, or that complement the type of improvement you want to make.
- Write your phrase on a sticky note and post it somewhere visible or make it the background of your phone. Every time you see the phrase, try to use it. If you feel like you’re using it too much – you’re probably on the right track.
Positive Parenting Phrases:
1. “Thank you for telling me.”
When learning how to be a positive parent, this is a great place to start. It can be used in almost any situation. “Thank you for telling me” makes your child feel heard and helps them learn that they can talk to you about anything – good or bad – and you’ll be there to listen. Additionally, it helps them learn to use their voices and speak up. It has a bonus of being an easy phrase to use when you’re not sure how to respond, or when you’re feeling overwhelmed or exhausted.
Examples:
Child: “I don’t want to go to bed!” You: “Thank you for telling me.”
Child: “I didn’t make it to the bathroom in time.” You: “Thank you for telling me.”
Child: “I learned this at school today.” You: Thank you for telling me!”
2. “You choose. You decide. You pick.”
This group of phrases gives your child choices and helps them feel both important and in control. They will practice expressing opinions and making good choices. All of the options you provide should be good options – options you are okay with (For example, don’t say “You choose – you can brush your teeth or go sit in your room alone”).
Examples:
“It’s time to go. Would you like to wear the blue shoes or the red shoes? You choose!”
“Look at all these toys! Would you like to clean up the blocks or the puzzles first? You pick.”
“It’s time for bed. Would you like to read two books or read one book and sing one song? You decide!”
3. “It’s okay to feel _____.”
All feelings are valid. Learning this helps kids feel heard, understood, and supported. It paves the way for children to trust themselves and their instincts and leads to emotional regulation. “It’s okay to feel ______.” is a great way to build a strong parent-child bond.
Examples:
“You didn’t want me to turn off the TV. It’s okay to feel frustrated.” Bonus: “Do you want to read a story or sing a song, you pick!”
“You don’t want to join the group. It’s okay to feel shy.” Bonus: “Let’s stay together. I trust you’ll tell me when you want to join.”
Child: “I’m scared to go to the doctor.” You: “It’s okay to feel scared.” Bonus: “The doctor keeps us safe and healthy. Would you like to take a stuffed animal to hug?”
Note: This is a great reminder for yourself. All of your feelings are valid, too.
4. “I’ll honor your words.”
This phrase starts teaching kids to set, hold, and respect boundaries. It will help them speak up and understand that their words and opinions matter. “I’ll honor your words” also teaches kids the importance of respecting the boundaries of others.
Examples:
“You told me to stop tickling you. I’ll honor your words.”
“Your brother doesn’t like that game – he’s saying, ‘No!’ Let’s honor his words.”
“You don’t like when I jump out and scare you. I’ll honor your words.”
5. “You should be proud of yourself.”
Help your child find internal validation rather than seeking external validation by using this phrase. Teach them to look within to feel pride rather than hoping and trying for the pride of others. Any time you would say, “I’m proud of you” replace it with, “You should be proud of yourself.”
Examples:
“You peed on the potty?! You should be so proud of yourself!”
“Look at your artwork! Do you feel proud of yourself?”
“I can tell you’re feeling proud of yourself. You worked so hard!”
6. “If you choose ____, then you choose _____.”
This is a great way to set boundaries and teach consequences while also helping children understand that they are responsible for their actions, behaviors, and choices. It allows kids to see the positive results of their choices, or learn an important lesson.
A few keys to keep in mind:
- Always follow through – don’t make blind threats.
- Make sure the consequence is related immediately to the behavior (for example, “If you choose to throw your toys, you’re choosing not to watch a show later today” would not be a related consequence).
- Make sure the consequence is appropriate for the behavior (for example, “if you choose to throw your toys, you choose to sit in a corner for an hour’ is not an appropriate consequence).
- Don’t use books as a consequence – books are precious!
Examples:
“If you choose to throw your toys, then you’re choosing to put them away for the rest of the day.”
“If you choose to splash in the tub, you’re choosing to get out of the tub.”
“If you choose not to use gentle hands with the baby, then you’re choosing not to play with the baby.”
7. “I hear you.”
This phrase helps your child feel, well… heard. It also helps them feel like they’re not alone and that their feelings are valid. “I hear you” is another great place to start when you’re learning how to be a positive parent. Sometimes this phrase is all you need (or all you can muster). Other times it’s a great launching off point for some of the other phrases, valuable lessons, or moments of connection.
Examples:
“You don’t like going to the doctor. I hear you. I get nervous going to the doctor too sometimes.”
“You don’t want to share your toy. I hear you. Sharing is hard. When you’re done playing with it, it will be your sister’s turn.”
“You don’t like being tickled. I hear you. I’ll honor your words.”
8. “Next time…”
Replace, “Don’t!” and “Stop!” with a more positive and effective phrase – “Next time.” This powerful phrase can both help your child understand what is expected of them (in a positive way!) while also showing them that you believe they can do it.
Examples:
“Next time finish chewing before you start speaking.”
“Next time please use your inside voice at the dinner table.”
“Next time please use a tissue to wipe your nose.”
9. “Listen to your body!”
This phrase is a great way to teach kids to listen to and trust their own bodies. It also has the added bonus of reinforcing boundary setting and respecting. Note: Your kids might get used to this one and try to turn it around. Be sure to set and hold your boundaries. (For example: “Child: My body is telling me I don’t want to go to bed.” You: ” Thank you for telling me. It’s time for a rest, but if your body isn’t sleepy you can read in your bed.” or Child: My body is telling me I don’t want to go to the doctor.” You: Thank you for telling me. We go to the doctor to be safe and healthy.”)
EXAMPLES:
“You seem sleepy. Is your body telling you that you need a rest?”
You didn’t like being tickled. You told me to stop and I honored your words. You should always listen to your body.”
“You don’t feel like hugging. Listen to your body! You never need to do something your body isn’t comfortable with.”
10. “I will stop and give you my attention.”
Being present with your kids is one of the most rewarding and difficult things to do. I’m not suggesting that you drop everything every time your child taps you on the shoulder. However, I am encouraging you to stop for moments of connection. Your child deserves it, and so do you. When you try to do two things at once, you will likely drop the ball on one of them (Multitasking is a hoax!).
For example:
“I know you want to talk to me. I have to finish sending five emails and then I will stop and give you my attention.”
“I can’t wait to come see your artwork. I’m going to finish what I’m doing and then give you my attention.”
Bonus for adding a timestamp! “I need to clean up for 15 more minutes. I’ll set a timer and when it goes off I’ll stop and give you my attention.”
It’s never too late to learn how to be a positive parent and start using positive parenting phrases with your children! And, it doesn’t have to be difficult either. As you can see from the list above, there are many ways to build connections and foster important life skills. So, what are you waiting for? Give some of these statements a try and let me know how they work for you and your little ones. I would love to hear from you! In the meantime, which of these phrases will become part of your parenting repertoire?
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